To assume that you know yourself because you’ve reached a certain age, is not necessarily a foregone conclusion. Of course some preferences like certain foods, clothing, activities, people, etc., are no doubt well established. And though familiarity delivers a certain degree of comfort, it can also bring boredom and a sense of emptiness. Too often, too many people settle for a half-lived life. Why? Aging is mandatory. Growth is optional. Here are two questions to ask and answer to determine whether you’re fully living your life:
- Are you limiting yourself to what you already know works for you?
- Will you open yourself to something or someone that could be the off ramp to less stress, more meaning and personal growth?
Many humans have a peculiar pathology in wanting to know and understand themselves. Some people talk and treat self-love as the antidote for healing and life satisfaction. This is only true to the point that a healthy level of narcissism is necessary for self-esteem, setting boundaries, and motivation. But taken to the extreme, self-centeredness becomes pervasive, rigid, and detrimental to relationships.
Knowing why we are the way that we are, is helpful. However, once you understand yourself, the next step is to look outside yourself for something bigger than you to champion. Maybe its family, art, community, love, politics, even. Finding your purpose or meaning is priceless and worth the time and effort it takes to discover that thing and then give it the attention it deserves, without reservation.
If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. – Gail Sheehy
Falling into patterns of sameness in our daily life can sometimes be hazardous and hurtful. Without a doubt we thrive on good habits that support our mental and physical well being. What I’m referring to are habits or practices that don’t serve us or anyone in a beneficial way. Things that have no real meaning or role in our happiness, relationships, and self esteem. They are not the thing, and just because you’ve always done something a certain way doesn’t mean you can’t switch up (or off) when evidence or people suggest a different way or path. We may think that holding on to the past gives us strength, but sometimes the strength is in letting go.
Here are some helpful hints to remember as you pursue your passion:
- Let go of the past. Forgive yourself, the person, the situation. No one (even God) can change the past.
- Respect people’s time. If you’re habitually late, allow more time to prepare and arrive early.
- Do what you said you’d do – every time.
- Most things are hard at first. The more we practice, the easier they get.
- Growth and comfort do not coexist. Think of the butterfly chrysalis process.
- Never stop learning: Skills compound over time
In closing, remember . . .
Living for a larger cause is the apex of human psychological development, and giving is the key to happiness.
You got this!
Happily yours,
Arnette Travis
