The Key To Control

If you’ve read previous columns under the HAPPY (Habits + Attitude + Purpose + People + You) banner; you are likely aware of the importance of having people  – specifically, the right people in your life.

Chances are that you also know that connections with those you love and whose company you enjoy, plays an important role in your health. There is scientific proof that when good feelings and laughter abound in a body, there are physiological and psychological effects that release positive reactions in the form of endorphins and chemicals. These effects reduce stress and pain, boost the immune system, improve oxygen intake and blood flow, and aid muscle relaxation.

While we may be (and should be) intentional in setting aside as much time as possible for these feel good moments; let’s be realistic and acknowledge that there are times when we don’t get to choose who is in our space and causes us anxiety or worse, anger.

It might be someone who cuts you off in traffic forcing you to swerve out of your lane, almost or even causing a collision. Maybe it’s a relative who takes delight in criticizing you or someone you love at family gatherings. If the reaction is anger, negative physiological changes including increased heart rate and blood pressure, muscle tension occur, and trigger the release of stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol), which can lead to serious health issues.

We can all agree that anger isn’t good for anyone and can become dangerous if it is overblown or leads to violence. But did you know that anger is actually a secondary emotion that serves as a mask to underlying hurt, fear, or frustration?

It would be wonderful if all our connections with other human beings were positive experiences with no disruption to our peace. But it is unrealistic to expect that to ever happen. So, since we know that there will be intended and unintended disruptions, why not prepare ourselves so that we can dispatch the negative disruption ASAP – as soon as possible. Control and reclamation of your happiness and peace of mind is the goal; not having the last word or retaliation, which in reality gives the disruptor control over you.

Here are a few ways for you to take control simply and with minimal effort.

Count Down.

Depending on the level of anger, count down (or up) to 10 (low) or 100 (high). During the time it takes you to count, your heart rate will slow down and your anger will likely dissipate.

Exercise.

Go for a walk, bike ride, or hit golf/tennis/pickle balls – do something physical. Physical activity helps calm your nerves and reduces anger.

Listen To Music.

Music has the power to uplift you from your feelings. If it moves you to dance, go for it as your mood will change even faster once physical movement is added to the mix.

Rehearse Your Response.

Avoid an outburst by knowing in advance what you’ll say or do the next time the same problem person or situation presents itself in your space..

Take Timeout.

Give yourself time away from others. Use it to process events and return your emotions to neutral. In fact, it is a good idea to include ‘alone time’ in your daily routine.

Having control of your impulses, emotions and behaviors enables you to resist temptations, make thoughtful decisions, and avoid actions that could have negative consequences – short and long term. Whichever step or steps you take to reclaim your happiness, practice until they become your default reaction. You are in control and do not permit hurt, fear or frustration to affect you – to become angry.

Connections are too important to leave to chance. Here’s why…

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