In a recent televised interview, Microsoft founder Bill Gates shared why he doesn’t look backwards much. In his words, “there’s so much to look forward to.” These words are a reminder that life doesn’t include ‘do overs’, and we have no viable choice except to move forward
In a sense, we are all products of our past living in the present time. However, our past lives exist in memory ranging from high to low levels of good and bad. The good memories bring a smile to our face and lift us up. Most of us take no issue in reliving the good times, and they actually benefit us at times. Great!
But reviving bad memories delivers the opposite effect, and we avoid them. After all, they are in the past. But should we avoid the bad parts of our past completely? The answer is no and yes. If the bad parts continue into present day life, then they are not truly past, and the answer is no. If the past isn’t present, then the answer is yes. If you find that negative issues from your past continually resurface and hinder you from moving forward, there is something you can do to change direction.
Here are the keys to achieving happiness:
- Do you presently engage in or tolerate negative behaviors? For example: over drinking alcoholic beverages, insulting, teasing or bullying someone.
If you are the culprit, only you can change your behavior. Make sincere apologies where appropriate and stop the bad behavior. Seek professional help if necessary. If someone close to you is the problem, let them know that the bad behavior will not be tolerated or allowed and stick to it!
- Are you unable to move forward because of an unresolved past issue or incident?
Usually, this involves some form of denial, and can strain or destroy present relationships and more. Denial is often used as a protective shield. Fear of potential and actual pain that facing the past could (and likely would bring) is miniscule compared to denial and outright refusal of the past. The failure to acknowledge and/or accept the past is a life sentence of limiting behaviors and recurrent painful memories. In other words, self destructive.
One last thing . . .
But there is a way out, and work to do. Face up to whatever the issue is, and in the words of Oprah Winfrey: “Feel the feel, then take the wheel.” Make amends, apologize and move forward with the understanding that while you cannot change the past, it is just that – past.
Finally, seal the deal by creating a mantra that acknowledges the past, but urges you forward. For example: You got this!
Happily yours,
Arnette Travis
